What was SEGA Channel? Well it was a piece of hardware that was WAY before its time. Think Netflix for video games in 1993. Sony is attempting something similar now with Playstation Now, but back then, this was unheard of.
But don't take my word for it, watch this incredibly 90's promo and see for yourself.
Feeling rad yet? Well let's break this down cause I feel compelled to do so.
- We are introduced to GOOD GOD WHY IS THE LOGO BOUNCING ALL OVER THE SCREEN? JUST SIT STILL! (Get used to the logo which now has ADD).
- We are introduced to Eric Hastings who will guide us through this infomercial. The Major Nelson of his time.
- A couple games go flashing on our screen. Including: Earthworm Jim, Sonic and Knuckles, Road Rash, and Comix Zone. Can EA and Criterion just make a damn Road Rash game already? PLEASE?
- Can't get more 90's than that shaky cam with colors all around it. I call it the "Saved By the Bell Treatment".
- 90's Dad hair alert!
- FEMALE ALERT! I can imagine the pitch to her to be in this video went something like, "You will be the hottest girl ever, trust us".
- Ecco the Dolphin sighting! Also a bunch of other games that..(seizure)..
- I am not exactly sure what "Video Game Paradise" is. I assume it was life before Superman 64.
- 1:27 HOLY CRAP IT'S PHIL MOORE! Alright, this got interesting. Nick Arcade was a big part of my childhood, though it was mostly me yelling at the tv "Why are you so dumb?? You are bad at games! It's right in front of you!" Not really knowing the intricacies of Green Screen Technology. Though in the early 90's, maybe it was still Blue Screen Technology.
- Does anyone else get a little motion sick when the camera zooms in and out real quick? Don't worry, it only happens ALL THE TIME!
- Look at the hottest girl ever!
- Look at the mustache!
- 2:17 Look at the EVERYTHING! The vest on the red shirt, the hair, the TV.
- HA! Parental controls. That's a good one. Remember when we pretended to care? Still don't care.
- Yep, she whispers "I know where they are" while looking right at us. That's not creepy or anytPLEASE DON'T KILL ME!
- SEGA Channel hook-up. Sounds kinky!
- 2:45 Ok, we now get a young, female version of Eddie Vedder showing us how to hook up the device to a car engine....no, wait that's a Genesis. Seriously, after the 32X and Sega CD came out it turned the Genesis into a mutant monstrosity.
- C'mon, how hard can this be? Plug the SEGA Channel into the Genesis, turn Genesis and TV on. Ta-freaking-da. Though I guess if Pop-Tarts have more than one step (toast it or don't) then I shouldn't be surprised here.
- "Now hold on to the dialysis machine while navigating the menus". Seriously, honey, put the Genesis down, I think we all get it.
- Boy, they love letting you know that you can play Earthworm Jim don't they? I enjoyed me some EJ but with over 50 games you would think they would show something else for a second.
- 3:40 Now we get a guy who couldn't make it into a John Hughes movie telling us about a help screen. This should go well.
- "My favorite, hints and tips".... here is a hint AND a tip, maybe talking isn't your thing.
- So now I am sure we will get a little info about what each help menu item actually shows you, I mean they did a whole part of the infomercial to talk about NOPE FUCK THAT, MORE PHIL MOORE!
- What's that, Phil? You have a secret? Well what is it? Tell me! Ok....ok I can tell you are excited....ok maybe chill....PHIL STOP YELLING AT ME! That's not how a secret works.
- "I'm not gonna bring it to you like the pizza guy". I have nothing for this I just wanted to bring it up as a reason to adore Phil Moore.
- I am aware that it's the 90's but I feel there is severe "Plaid Overkill"
- 4:30 Hey I am still talking here, where are you going? Camera? Hey! Come back!
- 4:45 Is that Phil Moore staring into my soul? Or is the X-Files starting?
- Ah, more 90's. Backwards snapback hats, electricity coming out of EVERYTHING, and graphics that came right out of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers....or maybe something with a little less budget like .....this....
- 5:08 What game could you be playing where your thumbs are moving THAT fast? Super Blister Man 3?
- More Sonic games, yet another Earthworm Jim sighting, Street Fighter II, and then they show a few more...(seizure)
- And the list of games goes..(seizure)..
- We end with the evil SEGA cyborgs planting SEGA Channel directly into your eyes and brainwashing you before we fade to black.
Truth be told, I enjoyed SEGA Channel. I remember waking up HOURS before I needed to go to school to see what new games came every month. It was a really innovative service. The biggest knock against it was that the Genesis was dying out and if it had came out earlier in its life cycle, they could have capitalized on this technology even greater than they did.
SEGA Channel went worldwide in 1994 and was discontinued by 1998. The asking price per month ranged anywhere from the $15 range to the $20 range depending on where you lived and what cable provider you had. Kinda pricey for the time. We shall see if Sony has success with their Playstation Now. Until then, we can look back at this and feel all sorts of nostalgia.
Call your cable company today!
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